The Blair Witch Project/Hoax/Conspiracy

Dateline: 08/04/99

I've been investigating a very important story about which I am duty-bound to report the facts. Everything you're about to read is true. Three naive but well-meaning young people died during the making of a terrifying documentary film called "The Blair Witch Project." Every event depicted in the film really happened.

However, there is a conspiracy afoot to hide the true facts. "Reputable" sources ranging from national newspapers to "actual" residents of Burkittsville, Maryland (where the documentary was shot) are claiming that "Blair Witch" is "pure fiction." They say no one died during the shooting. Take it from me, everything that happened in that film was absolutely real. I know, because I read it on the Internet.

If you don't believe me, spend some time on the Official "Blair Witch" Website from Artisan Films. You'll learn what really happened during the making of the film and read some of the history of the Blair Witch herself. There's a lot of information there about the filmmakers who were killed. Do you think they'd make stuff like that up just to sell movie tickets?

Take a look at some of the forensic evidence gathered by investigators and revealed in an uncensored documentary called "Curse of the Blair Witch" on the Sci-Fi Channel. They certainly wouldn't have put it on the Sci-Fi Channel if it wasn't true.

Conspiracy of disinformation

The rest of the media and various government authorities are working overtime to convince everyone that all this is just "hype" created to market the film. They're saying the filmmakers purposely invented an urban legend to stir up interest in Blair Witch. For example, a CBS News story had the nerve to call "The Blair Witch Project" a "totally fictional witch story" and claimed that longtime residents of Burkittsville have never even heard of the Blair Witch. (Yeah, right.)

The Frederick County Sheriff's Office, which has jurisdiction over Burkittsville, released a statement saying: "Although potentially entertaining, the Blair Witch Project movie is a work of fiction. The events portrayed did not occur in any manner in the town of Burkittsville, Maryland or Frederick County, Maryland." It was signed by Sheriff James W. Hagy (as if he would know the first thing about it).

On the site created by alleged residents of the town, Sgt. Thomas Winebrenner of the same Sheriff's department posted a bogus Fact Sheet that says the three dead filmmakers are "alive and well and probably signing autographs right now." Ha, ha. Very funny. Those poor kids died horrible deaths. The witch mutilated them. My friends all say it's true.

APB News carried a ridiculous article where Maryland State Police Sgt. Earl Page is quoted as saying "It's a hoax." Think maybe he's just trying to cover up his own botched investigation of the disappearances? The stupidest thing I've seen is the Salon magazine "interview" with one of the murdered filmmakers, Joshua Leonard. Maybe Salon's snooty audience thinks it's funny, but just think of the torment it has caused Leonard's grieving family. The real Joshua Leonard is dead.

I have news for all these naysayers. I saw "The Blair Witch Project" with my own eyes and almost wet my pants. (I said almost!) The movie was scary, and 100% real. The media will have to answer for covering up the facts, because more people will die, mark my words. I heard from a friend of a friend that just last week, some guy went up to Coffin Rock for a picnic, thinking it was all just a joke. He never came back.

I swear it's the truth.

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